It was one of those nights in the Rennard house.
Tempers were flaring. Hormones were raging. Frustrations were high.
My sweet 9-year-old was testing my limits. Disobedience. Disrespect. Unkindness toward her little sister. Temper. Grunting, growling, stomping. Talking back.
I stepped out of her bedroom, gave myself a few moments alone to catch my breath and calm down……
Mind racing. Feelings of failure. Inadequacy. Fear of the future. Disappointment.
Then it comes to me.
“Ava, what kind of person do you want to be?” I say with tears in my eyes.
This question opens up an honest dialogue.
Does she want to be like her parents? Like all the members of her family who have devoted their lives to serving God? Ultimately, does she want to be like Jesus? Does she want to be someone who is transformed by the Holy Spirit and bears the fruit of the Spirit in her life?
Does she want to be ruled by her flesh? Does she want to be selfish? Does she want to be disrespectful and unkind? Does she want to always get her way at the expense of everyone around her? Does she want to harm those who she loves with her sharp words and unkind actions?
Tears well up in her eyes. She is processing, thinking, evaluating the question posed to her. I hold her close, pray earnestly for her, reaffirm my love and acceptance of her, tell her I am blessed to be her mother.
This question has been churning in my head for weeks.
Ava, what kind of person do you want to be?
I know what kind of person I want Ava to be. I have my own hopes and dreams for her. While I can train, teach and lead by example, the choice ultimately belongs to Ava. Will she allow the Holy Spirit to transform her into someone who reflects the character of Christ? Time will tell.
Meanwhile, I hear the gentle voice of a loving Father ask me the question…..
“Rachael. What kind of person do you want to be?”
Do you want to know me and respond to my voice? Do you want to lay aside weights, sin and distraction in order to know me more? Will you allow me to remove the pride from your heart? Will you be someone who makes space in your heart and life for my lost sheep? Will you reflect my character with your words and in your deeds?
Will you put me on the back burner of your life, calling on me when it is convenient? Will you elevate yourself at the expense of others? Will you fall in step with the materialism around you? Will you go where you want to go instead of where I lead? Will you gossip and slander? Will you exclude others so that you feel more included? Will you always put yourself first?
Will I allow the Holy Spirit to transform me into someone who reflects the character of Christ? Time will tell.
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