Once there was a day I felt too much. On that day, I told a trusted friend, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so much.” The next morning, I saw a link to my favorite blogger’s new blog post. Her link to it read “If you’ve ever wished you didn’t “feel” things so much, I wrote this for you (and me):”
I’m not going to lie. I stared at it for a while. I didn’t read it right away. I even sent a text to my friend, telling her I was a little afraid to read it. Why was I surprised? The God who has the hairs of my head numbered had surely heard the lament of my heart. He surely knew the depth of my grief at the death of Namuda. Why should I not expect a direct response from Him, comforting me, answering me, showing me He cared? This is the same Jesus who spoke the promise and blessing, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (How I wish I had been on the mountain that day….)
I took a deep breath and accepted the response for what it was: a gift from God. I read it with an open mind and heart, weeping at the depth of His love for me. His willingness to show up in that moment, like a knight on a white horse in the moment of my distress, will be a gift I carry with me to my grave and beyond.
If you have ever wished you didn’t feel so much, please take the few moments to read this beautiful blog, sent to me from my loving Savior via one of His loving servants.
Now I am trying to feel the full range of human emotion. God at times asks me to carry a heavy load for starving children, for Cubans in despair, for the fatherless and for those who hurt. I carry it gladly, knowing it keeps me on the kingdom path and closer to my Father’s heart. Yet, I am learning to embrace the joy that my Savior also offers in the laughter of my Isabel, the strength of my Ava, the passion of my Jimmie, the weekly gathering of friends in my home, the beauty of creation….
Do you ever wish you didn’t feel so much? Do you find yourself attempting to numb pain instead of feeling it? How do you find joy in your everyday life? Has God ever been your comforter in a profound way? As always, I would love to hear from you.